How many people can you connect with in a lifetime?
For previous generations — those that lived before innovations in transportation and communication — the number was relatively small. Connections were limited to a circle of immediate family, friends, and others living and working within the same physical community. Exposure to ideas and life experiences outside of the small circle came at an arm’s-length — through letters, periodicals, and books, and later through radio, television, and film. Outside voices didn’t often invade everyday life with an immediacy and relevance that demanded attention.
Digital communication has vastly expanded our ability to connect with people far beyond our families, friends, and physical communities. It connects us with an increasing number of strangers every day. Social media puts the stories, images, and thoughts of outsiders and people we barely know alongside those of our most cherished loved ones.
We read the thoughts of strangers in the comments sections of online publications. We’re exposed to people we don’t know through discussions on a friend’s Facebook, Instagram, or blog post. We constantly open ourselves up to commentary and perspectives from people we’ve never met (and will probably never meet in person) when we use Twitter or Instagram or TikTok or any number of other “public” social media channels.
How are we to navigate interactions with these outsiders who are a very real and hard-to-ignore presence in our daily lives? How should we behave toward those who enter our lives through digital means — both those who say and do things that hurt or infuriate us as well as those we seem to connect with and bond with quickly? Are these digital connections real? Should we treat them as real people with real lives or is it okay to treat them as fictional characters because we don’t encounter them in physical spaces?
Digital communication also shows us different sides of those we already know. How should we react when family, friends, and those we know in one specific context (work, the gym, a shared hobby, etc.) say or do something in a digital space that shocks us, hurts us, worries us, or causes us to reevaluate our relationship with them? Should we call them out publicly? Interact with them privately? Or sever ties completely?
Since the dawn of digital communication, we’ve been consuming social media without much reflection on how it impacts us, how it changes the way we interact, and how it changes what we know about people (both friends and strangers). But digital media has matured. It has been around long enough for us to stop passively consuming and mindlessly reacting and start using it in purposeful and thoughtful ways. We can educate ourselves, protect ourselves, connect with others, and create positive impact in our communities and the larger world.
When we’re purposeful about our digital behavior, we can harness its power for good while remaining conscious of the ways it causes harm.
Digital kindness begins with a commitment to embracing positivity. I’m not talking about forced smiles or an overly chipper outlook. I’m not recommending a steady broadcast of inspirational quotes. Embracing positivity simply means choosing to communicate in a friendly and upbeat way. It means going out of our way to demonstrate goodwill, assume positive intent, and act with care, and concern for fellow human beings.
Committing to positivity also means not using social media to routinely vent, argue, or contribute to ugliness. None of us is perfect, and we’ll all have a day here or there where we see social media as our best outlet for expressing strong opinions or emotions, but perpetually engaging in angry, heated, long-winded rants is not kind. They fan the flames of frustration and discontent, reinforcing feelings of hopelessness and despair.
No one is going to change their mind about anything because of some argument on social media. Civil dialogue, on the other hand, can go a long way toward establishing common ground and understanding.
Digital kindness provides a framework for interacting with friends and strangers in ways that benefit both them and us. It enables us to forge authentic connections in a world of virtual reality. It protects us from the real hurt caused by thoughtless digital behavior. It results in real friendships that add richness and diversity to our lives. It’s something we can practice every day.
Together, we can transform digital spaces into kinder places.
(Adapted excerpt from my book Digital Kindness: Being Human in a Hyper-Connected World.)
ON ELON MUSK BUYING TWITTER …
I’ve been asked about my thoughts on this hotly debated issues. Regardless of who owns or governs any social media platform, we choose how we use that platform. Until we are banned, restricted, or charged a fee, we still have agency over what we pour into digital spaces. I plan to remain on Twitter and continue to use it to share things I think are attention-worthy and to connect with fellow humans striving to make the world a better place.
For more in-depth commentary, here are two takes that align pretty closely with my own views:
From the perspective of a user who sees Twitter — at its best — as a place that “emboldens non-dominant subcultures … to create subversive commentary, strategy, solidarity.”
From the perspective of someone who sees social media platforms as important public spaces in need of design that makes them welcoming and safe for all.