This week’s newsletter is an excerpt from Tillie Elvrum’s foreword to my new book Digital Grace: Pouring Benevolence into an Outraged World. Tillie is a pioneer in online community-building and the founder of the digital community Parent Support for Online Learning. I’m honored she was willing to lend her thoughts and words to my project, and I’m thrilled to share them with you here.
I have always been fascinated by social media and networking in digital communities — probably because I have spent much of my adult life participating in chat rooms, message boards, and social media. I have engaged in networking, socializing, and advocacy online for two decades. While some might say online relationships aren’t genuine, I can attest that digital communities and the relationships born out of them are indeed real and life-enriching.
My first foray into online communities happened in 2000 when I was a young Air Force wife. I was often alone while my husband was serving or deployed. We were stationed in Cheyenne, Wyoming, far from home, and I spent most of my time raising children and running my business. Unfortunately, that left little time for socialization. Around this time, our family bought our first personal computer, and a whole new world was available to me via the internet.
That same year, the band, U2, launched a website and created a new online fan club. I jumped at the opportunity to connect with other fans. The forum was called Zootopia, and its members referred to themselves as Zootopians. The forum was a simple message board with different areas where fans could talk about the band and their music. There was even a “Hearts and Minds” thread where I spent a lot of time talking with other fans about religion, politics, philosophy, and advocacy.
The online friendships that developed from those digital spaces evolved into real-life relationships. Over the past two decades, we have shared in each other’s weddings, births of children, life achievements, and daily struggles, and we have also mourned the losses of dear friends. These Zootopians aren’t just online acquaintances; they are in many ways like my family.
How have we maintained these relationships that started online and have been cultivated primarily in digital spaces? It hasn’t been easy. We have had to navigate cultural differences, overcome language barriers, look beyond politics, and sometimes agree to disagree. Ultimately, we practice what Lauren addresses in this book, digital grace. We have decided to look beyond the limited characters afforded to us online or the meme someone posted without giving it a lot of thought and remember that there are whole human beings behind every keyboard and computer screen. We have invested in each other with the understanding that each online interaction has real-life implications.
Since those early visits to online message boards, I have become hugely passionate about social media and community building in digital spaces. Much of my volunteer and professional work involves administering online groups. That is how I met Lauren. We met via Twitter when a devastating wildfire impacted our community. We connected during a crisis but eventually discovered that we shared common interests through our social media accounts. That led to in-person meetings, friendship, and business collaborations. Had we not shared our authentic selves online, I doubt our “real life” friendship would exist today.
And even though I have spent much of my adult life navigating online communities, I don’t think I have always practiced digital kindness or grace. I have at times welcomed people into my online space that perhaps didn’t have good intentions, and I haven’t always practiced good citizenship in the digital town square. But those interactions have taught me important lessons about myself and caused me to adjust my digital behaviors. It also helps that I have someone as thoughtful and insightful as Lauren to discuss the ever-evolving issues surrounding how we communicate in digital spaces.
Lauren provides practical advice to improve our online communication using anecdotes, research, and wisdom as a communications expert. Digital Grace should be required reading for anyone who has an online presence. We all can improve how we communicate, advocate, and influence more effectively to pursue safer, kinder, and more inclusive digital communities. In our hyper-connected world, practicing digital kindness and grace matters more than we think — in fact, it’s all that matters.
INVITATION TO DIALOGUE: What online communities have played an important role in your life?
ABOUT TILLIE ELVRUM: An education advocacy pioneer with experience at the state and national levels, Tillie specializes in grassroots organizing, stakeholder engagement, school choice policy, and innovative education models. She works to advance policies that increase educational opportunity for all students.
On May 4, Tillie will be leading “A Roadmap for Engaging Digital Communities” for DOVIA Colorado— a Zoom training on the latest trends in social media and why digital communities matter, especially in non-profit messaging and volunteer recruitment. Attendees will create a roadmap for digital engagement and learn tips to enhance their existing social media presence. Click to learn more!