Grace is a multifaceted and complicated concept. It often carries religious connotations (“God’s grace” or “saying grace”) or is used in reference to physical movement (“graceful dancer”). In The Art of Grace: On Moving Well Through Life, Sarah L. Kaufman, Pulitzer Prize-winning dance critic of The Washington Post, discusses grace in many forms, including spirituality and movement, but also manners, comportment, and style too.
Merriam-Webster Dictionary provides several definitions. There are the religious ones, of course, such as “unmerited divine assistance given to humans for their regeneration or sanctification.” Ones about human perceptions: grace as “a charming or attractive trait or characteristic;” “a pleasing appearance or effect;” “ease and suppleness.”
But the definitions most relevant to digital grace are:
· “the quality or state of being considerate or thoughtful” and
· “a disposition to or an act or instance of kindness, courtesy, or clemency”
Social media is often criticized for fueling a culture of selfishness and self-focus. “We’re in an environment of grabbing and taking: taking advantage, taking control, taking for oneself,” says Kaufman in The Art of Grace. “Grace, by contrast, is associated with giving.”
Instead of using social media to reinforce attitudes of grabbing and taking, graceful digital behavior embraces gratitude and giving. Digital grace is a practice of reaching out and pouring into the people we encounter online — approaching online interactions with kindness, thoughtfulness, and openness to the new connections, perspectives, and collaborative opportunities the digital world provides. As Kaufman says, “The most meaningful application of grace is to connect us more deeply with one another, even (or perhaps especially?) in the smallest moments.” Social media gives us unprecedented ability to connect in all moments — big and small — as we share everything from morning greetings to funny memes to ideas for a better tomorrow.
Unfortunately, while the digital world enables connection, conditions aren’t always conducive to positive encounters. “[U]rban decay abounds,” says Virginia Heffernan in Magic and Loss: The Internet as Art. “Bullies, hucksters, and trolls roam the streets. An entrenched population of rowdy, polyglot rabble dominates major sites.” Digital grace, however, creates welcoming and safe online spaces. It invites people into communities that transcend physical boundaries and barriers, nurturing a more empathetic understanding of our fellow human beings. Whether we build or join online groups and forums or moderate the content and comments in our own newsfeeds, our digital behavior can transform scary, off-putting places into spaces for meaningful human connection, conversation, and collective creativity.
Welcoming spaces are also forgiving spaces. “[S]ocial media can crush people through relentless attacks by those who don’t know the perpetrator and hence aren’t inclined to temper their reactions with sympathy,” says psychology professor William Von Hippel in The Social Leap: The New Evolutionary Science of Who We Are, Where We Come From, and What Makes Us Happy. Lives can be dramatically altered by “overreactions of strangers who know the perpetrators only through a singular misdeed and are unaware of their positive qualities.” Digital grace embraces an attitude of forgiveness and clemency: not only forgiving people for what they post, but proactively intervening in online interactions where outrage and retribution has become disproportionate and overly intense.
Forgetting is another important way of practicing digital grace. It’s a precious and rare act in a world where mistakes and memories are rehashed and shared over and over again and never disappear. A few weeks ago, the family of a former Irish billionaire won the right to have parts of their past “forgotten” by Google. While the legal right to be forgotten is highly controversial and still in its infancy, the courtesy of forgetting is a grace we can consciously extend. The maintenance of a perpetual digital record and the re-posting of experiences, stories, and images can impact self-perception, healing, and the ability to move forward in a healthy way. Digital grace considers times when “forgetting” would be a kindness.
Finally, digital grace involves a commitment to growth. As we connect, welcome, forgive, and forget, we continuously learn about ourselves, our fellow humans, and the world around us. Approaching those learnings with an attitude of curiosity and humility enables us to navigate digital possibilities with flexibility and hope, seeing options instead of obstacles.
We choose how we navigate social media. Embracing grace fosters meaningful connection, carves out welcoming spaces in an angry online world, supports mental health, and facilitates ongoing personal and societal growth.
This post is a draft excerpt from Digital Grace: Embracing Benevolence in an Outraged World.
Also from Lauren M. Hug — Digital Kindness: Being Human in a Hyper-Connected World.