Giving thanks for social media
Countering outrage with gratitude
Most social media use is passive. Only a small percentage of users participate in digital spaces by liking, commenting on, or sharing content, and an even smaller number of people create content. As a society, we tend to evaluate and talk about social media in terms of what we take from it: outrage, anxiety, negative comparisons to others, “fake news,” stuff we buy because of the endless barrage of ads.
We perceive social media through the lens of consumers, not community members. “If you sometimes find social media galling with its currencies of likes, shares, retweets and vote-ups, it is the crass materialism of such systems that you are reacting against,” says JB MacKinnon in The Day the World Stops Shopping: How Ending Consumerism Saves the World and Ourselves. It’s something we mostly consume, not something we actively participate in. We’re dissatisfied social media customers because our passive experience doesn’t delight us.
We almost never think about social media in terms of what we give to it and to the fellow humans we encounter there. What are we contributing to social networks? What are we pouring into digital spaces? What are we grateful for in this digital world?
Instead of using social media to reinforce attitudes of taking, what if we embrace giving and gratitude: bringing joy to the people we encounter online — thankful for the new connections, perspectives, and opportunities for collaboration the digital world provides?
“When we’re besieged by gloom and feeling alienated and frustrated, hopelessness and anger seem the only logical stances from which to formulate action,” writes Denise Kiernan in We Gather Together: A Nation Divided, a President in Turmoil, and a Historic Campaign to Embrace Gratitude and Grace.
That sounds a lot like where we’re at right now in digital spaces!
“But,” Kiernan continues, offering a ray of hope in the midst of gloom, “it is precisely in those moments that seeking reasons to be grateful is most important, and, as modern neuroscientific evidence continues to support, even healing and curative.”
Kiernan conducted extensive research into the origins of the American Thanksgiving holiday, discovering that it was not based on the historically inaccurate and problematic stories of the so-called “first thanksgiving” between Puritan settlers and indigenous peoples. Rather, it was an intentional, hopeful act designed to bring people together in the midst of the Civil War — a time when people were divided in ways that seem eerily similar to today. [Listen to more in the most about this book in the most recent Digital Hope Talk.]
The lessons from that attempt to bring people together while engaged in serious conflict can help us find our way in this age of digital turmoil. “Giving thanks when there seems little to be thankful for can offer moments of unity amid division, elicit empathy rather than foster estrangement, and perhaps promote a moment’s peace,” Kiernan writes. “[W]e commit to coming together even when we feel forces ripping us apart.”
A host of research reveals the benefits of gratitude practices on our well-being. When we give thanks, we change. We focus on what we have rather than what we’re lacking. Grateful reflection on the people and things in our lives leads to a more positive outlook. As author Valerie Stanford Martin points out in Brave Talk: Building Resilient Relationships in the Face of Conflict: “Making sure to not only feel grateful but also express gratitude helps reduce our social anxieties and lets us feel more accepted and less antagonistic toward each other, which in turn makes conversations more fruitful and nuanced.”
Better conversations are vital to navigating this digital world together.
“When is the last time you went out of your way to tell someone you have conflict with that you are thankful for them?” Martin asks.
Imagine how different digital spaces would be if we approached them with a mindset of giving and gratitude. Much of the outrage would be dispelled by compassion, connection, and expressions of thankfulness for those with whom we disagree. We would routinely remind each other that we are in this together. In doing so, we would create welcoming and safe digital communities.
I’m grateful for the unprecedented opportunity social media provides to learn about lived experiences, erased/obscured history, and research/discovery that illuminate better ways forward together. Pouring kindness, joy, grace, and knowledge into digital spaces changes what we know about the “way things are” which in turn changes what we believe to be possible.
What about social media are you thankful for? (C’mon. There’s gotta be at least ONE thing!)
MISCELLANEA
In case you missed the link above, you can listen to the latest Digital Hope Talk here. It’s about the real origins of the American Thanksgiving holiday and why the stories we tell on social media matter.
I’m working on a new “feature” for this newsletter: BOOK REPORTS. So many thinkers are doing fascinating work, and I want to share more than a quote here and there with you. I’ll be thankful for your feedback when that feature launches.
This article about the closing of an amusment park included some thoughts about the loss of physical public spaces where youth can roam “freely” but safely. It got me thinking about how adults tend to blame digital devices and social media for what they perceive as youth’s declining social skills and ability to behave independently, but pay little attention to how few safe physical spaces for youth exist these days due to decisions made by adults. Instead of dismissing the value of digital interactions, what if adults praised youth for their initiative and ingenuity in finding ways to learn and practice social skills despite shrinking opportunities to do so in physical spaces? What if adults reflected on how their own attitudes and decisions contribute to the loss of physical spaces where youth can safely experiment with independence and turned adult attention to creating and maintaining places where youth can practice social skills and independence in person?
The Digital Kindness Journal is almost here! I’ve set a release date of December 6, 2023 — just in time for gift-giving (hint hint) and annual intention-setting. The journal is divided into 3 sections. The first has more than 50 prompts to help you think about your social media use and how it impacts you and others. Most prompts are presented on an unlined 2-page spread so you can answer them by writing, drawing, collaging — whatever works for you! The middle section provides 30 days (one month) of daily guided digital kindness reflections. It concludes with a template for designing your personal digital kindness plan.
The final section provides 48 weeks of guided digital kindness practice and reflections to solidify habits. Combined, the sections in the journal guide users through one full year of digital kindness activities and reflections to help use social media compassionately. (It will be available via Amazon or directly from me.)
Sharing some of my joy with you …
If you follow me on various social media networks, you’ve probably seen at least one post about weird-flavored Oreos. I love finding limited editions of traditional products. I also happen to love almost anything pickle-flavored. So when my daughter told me THIS existed, I made a pilgrimage across town to buy some. Anyone else planning to find a pint?
Thanks for sharing your insight, Lauren. Glad that Substack and other platforms let us appreciate what thinkers like you have to say.