Yesterday was a great day! My new book is available for e-book pre-order. The print version is finalized and will be available by Tuesday. I had a lovely chat with a local television reporter about social media and an investigation launched by several state attorneys general into the impacts of TikTok on young users. I attended a thought-provoking play called By the Way, Meet Vera Stark with a lovely friend.
But instead of falling contentedly asleep, I stayed wide awake for hours, replaying scenes from the day, worrying I had said something wrong, done something wrong.
I agonize over almost everything I put into the world. I truly want to be compassionate, understanding, and kind, so I consider multiple ways my words could be interpreted. I look for blind-spots and potential insensitivities. I edit and rewrite to use more inclusive language and examples. But I always worry I’m not doing it right. After several attempts, I often decide not to put anything out at all. I’ve gotten it “wrong” before, and I fear getting it “wrong” again.
I’m afraid of making mistakes in my books, in interviews, in social media posts, and in conversations. I’m afraid of misinterpreting a situation, misrepresenting a person, or failing to understand and include different perspectives. Yesterday, I put so many things into the world, at least one of them was bound to be “wrong.” My brain wouldn’t quiet down.
Since high school, I’ve struggled with feelings of extreme dread. For years I couldn’t name what I was afraid of or what I was experiencing. I just knew I couldn’t sleep because my mind would find things for me to worry about — usually zeroing in on ways I had failed to measure up or had unintentionally hurt someone. To stave off the troublesome thoughts, I would read until I was so tired I couldn’t keep my eyes open any more.
Social media helped me realize I wasn’t alone. It gave me words to talk about what I was experiencing. I saw bits of myself when people shared their struggles with anxiety. It gave me resources to help me better understand myself. It normalized therapy. It gives my kids words to talk about what they’re experiencing, so we have better conversations about how I can support them.
Mental health was once a taboo subject, but social media transformed it into something many people (though certainly not all) talk openly about. Sometimes I think we lose site of the fact that many issues we’re addressing in society these days weren’t even talked about publicly until social media provided all of us with a platform to share our unique experiences. In sharing those experiences, we’re discovering others experiencing similar things too. And collectively we’re trying to make things better.
Digital media can be nerve-wracking, of course. Countless people can opine on everything I put out. People who don’t really know me can pass judgment on the things I say without taking the time to see where I’m coming from or why I’m choosing to speak up. The fear of dealing with that fills me with dread. But I keep putting what I hope are good things into the world because I believe vulnerability and shared humanity can help us build a better one.
So, today I’m being transparent about my sleeplessness and hard-to-shake worry that I’ve gotten something wrong because it’s a way of helping me name my anxiety. And I want anyone else who experiences these things to know you’re not alone. I hope whenever you feel up to it, you’ll push through the worry to share your heart (to whatever extent feels right to you) because your perspective matters. It may be exactly the thing someone else needs to hear.
P.S. When I went to copy the link to Digital Grace to add it to the section below, I discovered it’s the #1 new release in the “Two-Hour Parenting & Relationships” category. It’s a lovely thing to see after a bout of worry. Thank you to everyone who has already pre-ordered the book!
NOW AVAILABLE FOR PRE-ORDER! — Digital Grace: Pouring Benevolence into and Outraged World (e-book).
Also from Lauren Hug: Digital Kindness: Being Human in a Hyper-Connected World