The digital world gives us a space where anyone can voice their concerns, their fears, their loss and anyone can say I see you and you matter. The effort it takes is minimal, but the impact of letting people know you see them and think them worthy of your time and attention is huge.
The exchanges may be small, brief, and simple, but they mean the world to somebody who thinks they are alone.
One day on Facebook, I saw a young man I had worked with making some comments that worried me. He sounded depressed and hopeless … potentially even suicidal. The comments could have been run-of-the-mill grousing, but how many times have we heard about someone doing something drastic and found countless clues after the fact in their social media activity?
I never want to be the person who saw the desperation and frustration and didn’t even offer a kind word.
His comments were worrisome enough to me that I popped onto private messenger and said, “Are you OK?” Almost immediately, he responded with a flood of words about what was going on in his life. He was feeling lost, sad, and alone. He felt like there was no one in his regular circle of friends he could talk to about what he was experiencing.
When none of his friends responded to his vague Facebook posts, he felt even more alone. He wanted someone to talk to him. He wanted someone to check in and see how he was doing. But he didn’t know how to start a direct conversation about a topic that was incredibly difficult for him to process and discuss.
At the first sign of kindness, he poured out his story. He was so relieved to have someone listen to him. He was relieved to know that someone cared. It’s not that his friends didn’t care, he simply didn’t have the words to express what he needed from them – and they weren’t picking up on the signals he was sending.
It happens all the time.
A lot of us aren’t very good at saying, “I need someone to listen to me. I need someone to show me they care.” So we go about getting attention through a variety of ineffective means — like sharing vague status updates online.
People post on social media because they want somebody to talk back to them. Period. No one is sending statements and questions out into cyberspace in the hopes they get completely ignored. People say things because they want someone to respond.
Digital kindness responds.
Start thinking about the ways you can connect with people in digital spaces. How can you add value to someone’s life? What needs can you fill? How can you brighten someone’s day and bring a smile to their face?
It’s okay to start small. Make the effort to be kind to one person in one digital space every day. An uplifting comment, a friendly emoji, an Instagram smile can brighten someone’s day. Soon you’ll find yourself being kind to two, five, 20 people a day. That may sound like an overwhelming number right now, but positive acknowledgment in online spaces truly doesn’t take much time. It’s the digital equivalent of smiling at people you pass on the street or giving a quick compliment to a stranger.
Any time of day or night, someone is out there in cyberspace. Someone is listening. Be the someone who connects. Be the someone who lets people know you see them, you’re there, you’re listening, and you care.
(Updated excerpt from Digital Kindness: Being Human in a Hyper-Connected World.)
ALSO BY LAUREN HUG! Digital Grace: Pouring Benevolence into and Outraged World NOW AVAILABLE IN PRINT AND E-BOOK!
Thanks Lauren. The thing most people dont get is that kindness becomes a habit, a driving force for positivity and personal growth. You have explained this so simply and eloquently. 🙏